Reflections in time

My dear Poonam,

I can not say how overjoyed I am after reading this mail. Yes, you are right, I am also lost most of the times in and around old BH Area and Rankini Mandir. For me the Puja festive mood used to begin from the day when first truck with bamboo used to come about a month before on that ground near our house in Kalindi Road. Then on, it would be a daily affair to see the progress of work and may be I used to be more concerned than the organizers about the progress! It used to be lots of fun! Well, those days when I recall, all of sudden Ma, Nani, Nanaji and all the other people start coming in my mind one by one. Yesterday night I was almost crying and was recalling as how we went in the last Puja in 1995 with Ma, alas, we did not have a proper vehicle to take her around. She was coming on the scooter and Babujee was driving. We took her to Old BH Area then Rankini Mandir and on our return we had been at Kadma Bazaar. At Rankini Mandir we had stopped over to the Dosa stall run by people living in the out-house (I forgot there names now.) Ma had problems with the smell so she could not take any of that but I remember I was forced by Ma to take because I was insisting to continue my Falahar. She was looking very fragile and her eyes had almost bulged out but she still had desire like any 7 year old to see the happenings around. I all along those 6 months sensed one thing that as her death was coming nearer and nearer she had more and more charm to see the world, then why did God chose to end her life so prematurely? I know death is inevitable one day all of us will depart but I am sure I will not have so much of regret for my own death as I have for Ma’s for one simple fact that I have seen world much more than her in even this much of span of my life which she could never in her entire life, where was the exposure and where was time? She was prison of her ‘duties’ all the time! Well, whenever I seat for puja in the evening time, no body else but Yash would definitely come and seat beside me! In a way that reminds me of Ma who used to do the same when I used to perform Puja in 1995, she would come quietly and seat down beside me and take care of all the Agarbattee and other stuff and would be seating even though she had great difficulty in that. I sometime become very emotional, the other day I was telling Seema that I have seen Ma in my dreams and was restless the whole day. But think of it, it is going to be now 9 years. I can’t believe that 9 years have passed and to me it feels like so fresh.

Well, life goes on and so that is the way it is. Hursh and Yash are enjoying their childhood almost the same way as we did but they have a different setup, not like us that we used to go out in the field/parks nearby and jump or run or climb something, but they do all those within home itself! Their fights remind me of my childhood, Yash is exactly like me. He would not spare Seema or Hursh, goes out all the way to hit them. But when we go to someone’s house, even for water he would come to Seema and tell very quietly. When I insist Hursh to come and seat beside me for Puja he does the same thing what I used to, slowly slide inches and inches and then run away from Babujee! Yes, when I see these boys playing , jumping and fighting and all those activities, I only reconcile myself that how unjust God had been to Ma, she would have been overjoyed to infinite to see all these lovely kids in our family- Prashu’s never stopping talks, Yash’ innocence, Hursh’ Khurafat, Bulbul’s beauty and Niki’s great memorizing skill of the entire book (yes she is gifted, she can remember most of the books and recite!) and of course Divya is the only one she could see little bit of her but even this part of Divya must have given her a different kind of feeling - seeing her becoming look alike Poonam! I can not imagine how she might be looking now in Salwar Suit! Have we grown that old now? Other day I was trying to lift Hursh and although he was in Godee, his feet were touching the ground! No, I guess these kids have grown up much sooner than I had expected, but wait a minute….we too have! That is how life goes on!

Well, will give you all a call this weekend.

Till then have fun, enjoy the Puja and may Ma Durga bless all of us with happiness, prosperity and long, healthy, enjoyable lives.

Bye for now,

Sanjay

Dear Bhaiya & Bhabhi,

Happy Durga Puja! How are you? I guess you are doing the Navratras in the traditional way with DurgaPaath & Phalahaar.Today is MahaAshtami .Now you must have become used to this routine.I am just recalling all the olden golden days at K.D.-64.Even though Durga Puja is celebrated in the same zeal&fervour at our mohalla, still I very much miss those days. At the same time I understand your feelings too. Plan once to come during Puja vacations. Hursh&Yash will appreciate this.

Here Divya&Prashant are enjoying the Puja in their respective ways.Divya is happy with her new dress,sandles&Chaat-Golgappas.While Prashu is demanding a new toy everyday.Guns are now his favorite other than cars.This time Divya bought a SalwarSuit as she has to wear this dress in her school on Children‘s Day.She was looking very pretty in this outfit.

Yesterday I talked to Babuji also.He is fine but he just escaped an accident you must be knowing. We all were very much worried for that& we told him not to do like this again.

Rest everything is fine here.Tell Bhabhi to write also. Give my love to Yash&Hursh.

Your Sis,

Poonam.

My dear Hansu,

First of all let me apologize for not getting back to you earlier. I always thought of responding to your mails but somehow it just did not happen earlier than this. Wish you a very happy new year in the beginning as well.

Well, life seems to be in full swing at your end. How did you end up with your project on robot or something which you had mentioned to me in one of your previous mails, which was supposed to detect iron piece amongst different pieces or something of similar concept?

So you have a feel of Java now, that is good to hear. With changing time, it seems knowledge will have no boundary and looks like the core subjects though will remain the same, the contemporary flavour and individual’s fervour of the syllabus will always give a new insight to the modern world and precisely that is what is evident from your experience, though if these changes were coming even at the initial stage of shaping up the career, would have been even more far reaching and have dramatic effect by inspiring the younger generations. I am in particular more impressed to hear that you guys are putting the knowledge into action so quickly, as long as the knowledge can become a means to achieve the objectives, that knowledge becomes one’s instrument for future and building blocks. Well done, and hats off to the IIT’s academicians. They are indeed doing a wonderful job, it will go a long way in each one of yours’ career!

So, what else? Have lot many new friends now? Getting new excitements of your life? Maturing with lots and lots of new things? That is the way, by the time you think that enjoyment should go on, ambitions of life will overtake everything in your life and you will realize only when you have a decade or so over and still feeling not satisfied by what you have achieved and pursuit for that “end” will keep you stretching further and further! So, my friend, this is the time, enjoy your time to the utmost! My only advise based on my experience will be to not play too much with your long term objectives in life. I did that and each correction has cost me very dearly and shifting the building blocks of professional career takes too much of efforts as compared to someone who had been on the same from the beginning of his/her career.

Life here is cool in all respect. Today is -12 deg C and lots and lots of flurries. In fact in the morning when I was coming to my office by walking from the Railway station, I had flurries going in my mouth, nose and eyes! I must have been looking like Eskimo with all parts of my body covered and snow flurries all over!

Kids are having lots of fun and now Yash has started showing his “rainbow” colors! Seems like he has lots of hidden talents and mostly he is over possessive with his toys and books. Hursh on the other hand has preferred speaking to him in Hindi, may be he thinks that this guy id too rustic, and the spontaneous selection of words, accent and expression in Hindi makes us laugh to no extent. Otherwise Hursh will never speak Hindi, but we do not worry too much for we know that he “can” speak. Yash is very religious minded person, he will recite Seeta Ram Seeta Ram, do not know where he picked that up from. One day he was singing “Kali Durge Nambo Namba..” later on we deciphered that as “Namo Namah”. He enjoys pouring 2-3 lotas of milk on lingam whenever we are in the temple. He enjoys two things the most there, one playing with lingam and the other is going to punditji and ask for “passad” . If punditji has given any fruits he will come and leave that with Seema and else if it is sweet then he will finish that himself.

This year is going to be busy. Yash will also start school in Sept., Hursh has started reading something serious now. He has suddenly developed lots of interest in reading the books and maths has become his favourite subject now. Also, he is too much into sports. He likes golf, baseball, basketball, ice hockey, soccer and football(rugby). He will tell you all the clubs and teams in North America and their WebPages also he can browse. In fact he insisted for one big size poster for these teams and has put on his room’s wall. He is getting taller day by day. Yash has slimmed down a lot. How about you, are you getting taller even now or has it stopped for good?

How are everyone in Ranchi doing? How are your other friends? Did you get a chance to meet them after joining your respective institutes? That will be a great thrilling moment when you all will share with each other about your experiences!

I am in the process of modifying my web pages. For time being surf to www.sanjayjha.info instead of www.sanjaykjha.com

Well, I would say bye now and please send me your mailing address and cell phone number.

Bye,

Bhaiya

—–Original Message—–

From: sanjaykjha@canada.com [mailto:sanjaykjha@canada.com]

Sent: Wednesday, January 19, 2005 10:45 AM

To: sanjay.jha@inergi.ca

Cc: toronto123@canada.com

Subject: Fwd: hi this is hansu

——- Start of forwarded message ——-

Subject: hi this is hansu

From: Hansraj Mishra <cyberhansraj@gmail.com>

Date: Sun, 16 Jan 2005 17:00:29 +0530

To: sanjaykjha@canada.com

hi there, how is life?

i am fine out here. plenty of activities are on in the campus these days. we are going to have our Spring Fest shortly and then follow it up with the Tech Fest. All within the next few. days.

These days no one is studying in the campus and everyone is busy with either of the two fest preparations . I am participating in the Tech Fest software competitions . We have two events in this and we are supposed to design some of the codes that will be made to run together and communicate via a server. ITs all about networking and since I just learned JAVA, i decided to try my hand at some serious programming.

Apart from all this , how are your juniors doing? Now that they are both reasonably inthe ideal age for creating nuiscance at home , I am sure they must be keeping the two of you busy all the time! How is Seema Bhabhee? Do send me some of ur recent pix on this ID . And please update ur webpage as soon as you can!

Bye!!!!!!!!!!

Hansu

——- End of forwarded message ——-

Here is another interesting one from him:

Subject: from hansu

From: Hansraj Mishra <hansrajuk@yahoo.co.uk>

Date: Tue, 5 Oct 2004 14:47:21 +0100 (BST)

To: sanjaykjha@canada.com

hi! this is me hansu. i finally brought over my comp here and now have access to web 24 hrs a day…free! here, it is by far the fastest in the country @100mbps.

how r hursh and yash doing? how is bhabhee? i am having a very tough schedule here. the study load is immensely vast and tests and exams r taken every other day. during the evenings, there r quizzes , contests nearly every day and seniors say v must participate in all of them in order 2 have a solid resume(CV). a national level robotix competition is to b organized in feb’05 and i am building an autonomous robot in that. it is supposed 2 go around in an arena and collide with blocks of either wood or iron and tell which one it has hit-wood or iron. worst is that no manual control is allowed! lets see what i come up with. theres plenty of time.

i think now v can chat once in a while also. the 12 hour time lag is no problem since v all sleep around 2 in the night here. (my daily avg. sleeping hrs. have reduced to only 4.5 hrs!)

rest is all ok. mom and dad r fine. u can have my mobile no. it is 9832113692.

keep in touch and do mail me.

bye, hansu.

Ritesh is the youngest of three children of Saroj Bhaiya. These three kids have grown up now, but except last few years they had virtually been in front me each day. I am so pleased the way these thre kids have achieved their goals and are on their way to success. Sometime (or always?) I become little philosophical and “preach” a lot which I could not practice myself! But that is the way I am. Here is my first e-mail to him:

My dear Ritesh,

I can not express my happiness in words when I hear good news from all of you about the achievements. In reality all these achievements are noting but for individual’s

own betterment, but we being one family, it always feels as if it is our combined achievement. I feel very elated when I brag about all of you in my circle here, however, in this part of the world studying in any Medical or Engineering college is not of much significance as there is no such stereotype about certain specific profession here, every one is doing what he/she feels good and appropriate for himself/herself. Even people take a break after few semester and then go for work and resume their studies when they feel appropriate. But when I am in my “Indian” circle, I feel very great to share the achievements of our family members, for they can appreciate these better.

But more than anything else, it gives me pleasure to imagine the happiness in your family and the rewards to your parents and everyone else involved in making it. Having said that, it is just the beginning of the uphill tasks of your career. All you have achieved is nothing but entry into a race which is even more steeper than what you have achieved so far, for the simple fact that all who are in race with you now, are of equal or almost at par with you when it comes to the ability, for they all are achievers like you. Before you had only three weapons to master- Maths, Physics and Chemistry, but now you have myriad of new subjects to master…frankly one can’t master all of them..but more than academics, you have to understand things beyond that.

Now on you will start understanding the bitter part of the life that academics alone is not a sure key to success in life. You will have frustrating time now on to look after certain other traits of your personality. Your success will now not be dependent on your studies alone but much more than that. You will have to start looking a bigger picture and expand your horizon of thoughts. So far the myopic vision of study study and study were the mantra for success, but now on you have a bigger challenge ahead of you. And what I am talking about is developing your personality, understanding your strengths and weakness, develop your interpersonal skills, communication both verbal and non-verbal, listening skill, ability to assimilate the thoughts and have a stand on any issue, ability to convey your viewpoints and likewise so on so forth. Once you start understanding the significance of these, you will quickly realize that you have to allocate your time in a much smarter way, enough for your academics and also appropriate time for your other skills to develop. The academics is almost essential for others to accompany but academics alone is not what in future will help you.

In no time, alas, time will now on fly for you and you will not realize as how quickly the years start changing like weeks in your life until may be 5-6 years from now on will you stop one day and say to yourself-”wait a minute…have I crossed all those barriers?”

What I am trying to convey to you is that you are in a situation at present (which we all have passed through by the way..!) where things are changing at far more rapid pace than one can handle or anticipate! You will always face a situation which is unique in its own way, and often there is no one to look forward to sort that out for you. In other words, you are slowly becoming independent and having a stand of your own. With time you have to rise above the masses and only then you will be able to guide the people working under you, for they will look for directions from you. You will have to fill in the “gaps” and improve upon the underdeveloped attributes of your personality. For all these you have to do lots and lots of introspection and take a deep journey within you and understand yourself.

Remember, no one is perfect in this world nor every one is blessed with everything good in him, we all are fortunate in one way to have been blesses with so many good things in us but at the same time are unfortunate also on contrary to have missed many. And that is why one who achieves the heights in his life, we talk so highly about him, for he/she has overcome all the inefficiencies in life with lots of hard work and efforts. While doing this you have to first understand your strengths and weaknesses in your overall personality and then set an objective and timeframe to achieve the individual goals which eventually take you to newer heights.

When I say about knowing yourself, remember there are four parts of everyone’s personality.

One is which you know about and everyone else also knows about like your name, your qualification etc., the plain facts about one, in general. Then there are certain things about you which only you know and nobody else knows…like your thoughts, dreams, feelings, reaction to certain situations etc and many other “hidden” things which you do not want to share with anyone, right!

Then third part is the one which YOU do not know, but others know about! Like there are many things in our personality which unfortunately others know better then us about us, examples could be like the way we walk, talk or behave. There are many a times things which everyone knows about us- both positive or negative but no one wants to tell us.(You remember that is why Kabirji’s doha “Nindak niyare rakhiye aangan kutee…”, because they are the eye openers for you, it is a great service they do by telling all the bad things about you, so that you become aware of those and start working on them to get rid of.).In my opinion, knowing what you don’t know…I mean knowing your weaknesses is more important than knowing your strength, because strength is gifted but weakness can only be improved so more effort is needed there!

But the last and the most important part is the fourth one which is neither you know about and nobody else knows about! Still we are one your own personality, but what a surprise, nobody knows about that! And that is what we say is POTENTIAL in other words. We need to know about that and then others will also come to know about that. In psychology world it is said that 80% of our personality is under the fourth category. So the lesson learnt is that we need to explore our that hidden part more and more and use that potential.

Well, try to understand this “long boring” lecture and I will be very happy even if you make anything out of this long conversation. Building personality is much more difficult than anything else. Keep faith in you and remember, do not ever compare yourself with anyone, everyone is different in their own way. It happens in a group like yours where you come across so many new people and they all are different, some are “smart” some are “genius” some are “good looking” and likewise, and often one starts feeling that “where do I stand?”, well that is but natural, it is the drive in you which wants to get you to newer heights that generates that kind of feeling, channelize that into positive energy and you will feel right on the top of the world one day.

Well, here things are normal, both boys are making lots of noise everyday. They are growing much faster than one could expect and everyday they have a new way to do mischief! Well, I will keep on posting new photos and also updates about us, keep on mailing and visiting our homepage.

Bye for now,

Sanjay Chacha

Divya is my niece and she is very dear to me. I have fond memories of early 90s when I was a young graduate and had lots and lots of fun with this newly born chubby kid. Time flies but memories don’t and this is the present, she is able to key in her feelings in e-mail. I wanted to preserve this just for my own fun and excitement:

Hi mama,

Hoping you are in the pink of health,I am absolutely fine here.I have finally created my i.d. Mom wishes to know if you got the rakhi.My results are out and I got 5th rank in my class.

How are Mami, Hursh and Yash? I hope they are fine.     

Prashant is as usual “Angry young man.” Now I am getting late for my tution ,so I will write to you next time.Please do write to me.Till then good-bye.

Your niece,

Divya.

Yahoo! India Matrimony: Find your life partner online.

Here is another intersting mail from Divya:

Hi Mama,

I apologize for being unable to send you email these days. I was much occupied due to my tests. Anyway I have something really interesting to tell you. On 17^th of Sept. we went Jamshedpur by car.Dad was wild while driving,as his average speed was 80 km/hr.At times he even drove at 100 km/hr. We reached Jamshedpur at 1 o’clock approx.After having lunch we had a good sleep.In the evening Saroj mama and mami visited us.

The next day was very exhilarating.We went to Jubilee Park for boating.I and Dad were the only ones who had a ride on the boat.The lake is very big and deep,thus I had great fun .Mom has now-a-days developed a great fear from water and thus she did not agree for boating.Nanaji and Prashu also stayed with her.We then went to Saroj mama’s house for lunch.The whole of afternoon was spent over there.Prashu and I had great fun with Rashmi didi and Janu Bhaiya. We played carom which was fun .

In the evening we went to Nicco park, a n amusement center, part of Jubilee park.It has some great rides. “Water coaster” was thrilling.We also went to see Ganesh Mela.It was gorgeous.

But this morning(19^th Sept.) we had to leave.Saroj Mama again called us on lunch today.Before going to his house we also went to “Rankini Mandir”as mom has too much of faith in it.We also went K.D. flats.The flat stood as it used to but things have changed.We all became very nostalgic to see it.I have so many memories with it,both good and bad….. I also saw that park ,with a slide, where at night,I came with Nani during summers.

We then returned to Ranchi.We enjoyed the ride due to the pleasant weather.This short trip was very ecstasic.Nanaji was very elated to see us.Prashu,being overwhelmed with joy said “Main yahan ek sal ke liye rahoonga,sirf exam thene Ranchi aaunga.”

Else here everyting is fine.Hope everyone is fine there.

Waiting for your reply,

Your niece,

Divya.

Here is another one:

From: divya jha [mailto:genxid@yahoo.co.in]
Sent: Sunday, August 29, 2004 5:37 AM
To: toronto123@canada.com
Subject: message

Hi Mama,

I received your mail .I am in a state of euphoria to see it as this is the first mail, which someone has ever send to me. Your mail is awe-inspiring and has filled me up with great enthusiasm to study better for the next term. Prashu has improved a lot in his studies. He got two A+, one in science and one in maths. But his Hindi marks are poor, contrary to mine as I got the highest in my class. As “Rakhi “is approaching I am very excited; Mom will prepare some tasty dishes which will be fun to eat. Now-a-days,my favorite subjects are English and Maths.I love reading English, whether it be poesy or drama. Julius Caesar by William Shakespeare is taught in my school, which has become my favorite. Other than studies I spend my time in reading novels, listening to good music.

Ricky Martin, Enrique Iglesias are my favorite singers, Blue and Backstreet Boys my favorite bands while Agatha Christie and Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, my favorite writers. And if still some time is left then I utilize it in teasing Prashu .I love to hear his voice whenever he says” Mummy, dekho na didi tang karti hai, usko zor se maro.” Rest everything is fine here.

I am very happy to know that Hursh has reached Std.2. He has grown up very quickly. I saw Yash’s photos on your website. He is very tall and cute. Please send me some of your photos by post. Do pay my regards to Mami and love to Hursh and Yash.

Waiting for your next mail,

Your loving niece,

Divya

Here is another mail from me:

Dear Divya,

Good to hear that Prashant is so gifted. He will slowly become very calm you will see, and more focussed in his studies. He is enjoying his time and once he will be in the serious business he will never look back. Well, only very intelligent kids can keep the whole family busy, for he has to know many means to achieve that, and that itself is no less intelligent feat!

How are you doing? How is you studies going now? What are your new year resolution? Mine is very simple, to loose weight. Now-a-days I am spending atleast 5-10 hrs in gym every week. Also, am changing my food habit. Let us see how it helps me in bring back to the normal shape.

Yash and Hursh are always keeping each other busy and Yash often makes all of us feel like cry. He is a big fan of Shrek, Toy’s story and Mr. Bean. These three DVDs are always in his possession. Wherever we move he will bring these and ask us to play, whether we go to upstairs or down or on computer! He calls Shrek as “tarek”, Woody of Toy’s story has become “Guddee” and likewise. There is a bhajan “Kalee Durge Namo Namah”, which I often hear in my car, so when he is alone he would be singing “Kali..Dulge..Nambo Namba..!” He is almost 3.5 now, but still can not say many words clearly. Potato becomes “Potata”, Igloo is “Loo…” but he has started recognizing colours and shapes now. One day he said 1+1 is 2, must have been a coincidence, he does not know addition yet!

Hursh on other hand is becoming very matured. Other day his best friend in his class Demian Douglas had his birthday party and he had invited almost everyone in his class. So we had to drop him at 1:00 and pick up at 4:00. We had to buy some gift and so we were little delayed, may be by 5 minutes. So he was very perturbed, and I said just casually, “OK..we are almost there at time, do not worry so much after all it is b’day party only..ok!”

He counters me, “How will you feel if you are late in your office by 5 minutes!” I was taken aback…7.5 years and this coming from him…! He almost knows everything about, ice hockey, baseball, soccer, football(rugby), basketball and even golf. One day we were in one of the restaurants and on TV there was a sports round up which showed Vijay Singh as top in golf, he immediately says “Dad is he not an Indian guy?” I said -”Yes, though he is from Fiji..but yes kind of Indian!” He says-”yes, I had guessed by his last name Singhs are from India, right? Also he is little dark browninsh..you know so he must be Indian..!” All these are coming from a 7.5 years old kid(?). I am now-a-days having tough time treating him. Last week I gave him some of additions and was teaching his how to do that. Like 39+47, I said first add 9+7 and right down 6 below 7 and put 1 on top of 3 and then add all the three 1+3+4 and write down that. So simple for us, but he was getting confused and he went on doing mistakes one after another. I roared “stupid”, “moron”, “idiot” etc. and twisted his ear and slammed on his back out of frustration. He finished finally and said with tears rolling from his cheek- “But dad, you could have explained to me in a better way without yelling at me and hitting me!” And he went on crying for 10-15 minutes and I started feeling so apologetic! Well, I said sorry to him and promised that will not yell and hit him again. He has matured a lot and one attribute of his personality is that he is very calm, composed and cool kind of guy. Other day we were getting late for somewhere and we had to buy some gifts before we go somewhere so I asked only Seema to get down and purchase something from the shop and come back quickly. It was almost 15 minutes and she did not emerge out from the shop yet, so I started shouting and yelling inside the car-”why is she not coming quickly..wherever she goes she will be delaying …blah blah..”. Hursh says very quietly-”dad, there must be a long line at the cash counter…look only few people are coming out..!” And I said to myself…”geez..this boy is very cool!” There are many instances when I noticed that he does not loose his temper nor feel jittery or frustrated rather takes it easy. Something very different from my personality! I am very impatient, easily get swayed by any situation, am impulsive etc. etc. which at times I am unable to overcome. So good to see Hursh maturing into a different kind of personality!

Well, life her otherwise is coo, and I mean cool in true sense! It was almost -28 deg C few days back!We already have 4 snow falls this season, the maximum being 30 cm in one night! We have to shovel the snow from our front of the house and that takes toll of us! Very tough job, but good exercise!

How is Poonam doing? Ask her to mail sometime.

Say my regards to all in family and lots and lots of love to Prashu!

Bye

Sanjay Mama