Reflections in time

Everyone has his/her share of good luck and slices of bad too over the span of time. Some say that at the end it all evens out and God never favours one over other, it is just our perception of recalling the bad days more often than the good ones. But there are some moments, which becomes a landmark of the career and some moments serve as milestones of career path. Some moments bring tears while some fill the joys, when recalled. Yet there are some moments, which influence the career, so much that career path gets a direction from those moments and they add to the confidence of ones personality. In addition to that, there are some persons whom one tries to imitate or get influenced a lot.

The achievements of one person or the persona of some of the people have a great imprint in one’s internal mindscape! Here I am trying to look back and try to recollect some of those personalities first and some of those moments, which have the greatest influence in my career. I must say that there have been many who have influenced me and there could be many more that might in future but my foundation blocks are mainly attributed to many of these people or moments in my life, about which I am going to write about.

Santosh Mama

If half of what I am today needs to be attributed to one person then it is my Santosh Mama! I can’t tell in more modest way that how much I tried to imitate him, right from his handwriting to his hobbies and interests. I remember that he was one who always had inspired me from whatever time I can recall.

My first memory of him being close to me is that of when I was may be 8 years old. I used to be a very stubborn and somewhat problem child and would do what people did not want me to do or else would do just opposite to what people would ask me to do. I can not recall why I used to be like. Invariably I would find some excuse to not go to school. It was Mama who would take me in confidence and ask me why I did not want to go to the school. Then I would explain to him reasons such as not having finished homework or not memorizing Sanskrit sholkas or likes and because of which I would be getting punishment. Those days punishment could be virtually anything, teacher had freedom to beat, ask to kneel down or stand up on the bench and many others. Many of us were slapped or hit by cane or rulers. I never liked those but that fear would discourage me to go to the school. Mama would help me understand that why and how did I land in those situations and next time I should be more careful. He would then take pain to teach me in a way that I liked. At times I would not like to go to school for some other reasons as well. I remember one incident when I did not want to go to the school since a teacher and boys used to make fun of me in the school. It had a story behind it. Once in the classroom I was trying to fix my ink fountain pain (do we have any such pen anymore?). This I had learned from Babujee as he would normally fix our pens whenever we had some problems and I was more interested doing that in the class than doing nothing in the class. There was one old teacher called Das who was seating in our class that day and the problem was that he did not know Hindi since he was basically a teacher of Oriya medium. We used to have four mediums of education in our school Hindi, Bengali, Oriya and Urdu. This teacher was asked to take our PT (physical training) class and sadly he was just waiting for retirement and he was in the worst physical shape himself by now. What can he do, he was counting his days anyway and all he used to do was seat in the class. Meanwhile everyone was busy talking or drawing something and I was busy fixing my pen. I tried to pull nib and tongue of the pen using my teeth and that spilled some ink around my lips. After a while I wanted to clean my hands and I went to Das Sirji (we used to call teacher as Sirji, can’t explain why double respect one in English and Hindi each together!). He looked at my face and started laughing, and with his hands around his lips he demonstrated that how come I have grown mustache. He was showing his fingers first in straight line above his lips and then moved his fingers in many rounds to show the curly part of long mustaches people keep. Everyone in the class started laughing and soon they all started making fun of me and in next class this teacher also found a very interesting part in me and again did it to whole class and me started laughing. I do not know why I started crying but that is the way I used to be back then. In fact I was so frustrated that whenever I will see a PT class, that day I would not like to go to school. It was Santosh Mama whom I explained it and he conveyed that to Babujee or Nanajee and one of them went to that teacher and explained all about the problem it had resulted into. For years to follow students used to make fun of me by showing mustache in air and it was easy because one need not yell or shout and anywhere one could show that in air. It was one small incident, which had resulted in a big problem for me for years to come!

During that time Mama was learning to drive the two-wheeler. Whenever on weekends we would clean the scooters (we had two one belonged to Babujee which was a Rajdoot scooter which Ma used to call as Jahaj because of its size and the other one was Ashok Mama’s Vespa scooter), Mama would take me for a ride around the home in Kalindi Road via Teesta Road and back to home. That time traffic used to be very light with few two-wheelers on the road, car if any used to come on the street -it used to be a feast for our eyes, that rare was car on the streets. Also he would take Manoj and me on the handle and carrier of the bicycle and take us to Dumuhani, Sonari. What I used to like the most was that he would let me ask any question to him and he would answer to me to the best of his abilities. If I recall that was the time when I had asked him first as how the sand is created and he had answered to me that it is gradual grinding of rocks on the way of river and that is how sand is created. I still remember that once I had asked him that why steam engine (did you read it right? because people have now forgotten that there used to be steam locomotives) do not extinguish in the rainy season and he had explained that even if I put one bucket of water in the chimney it would not. He used to encourage me to ask as many questions as I could.

I used to be an isolated child; I remember as I would have fight with everyone in my friend circle or home and no one would like playing or talking to me. During that time I would be so frustrated that even if someone would tease me I would have a fight with him or her and usually beat them up. Later on their parents or someone from their family would come to complain against me and then in front of them I would have good overhauling that used to be more than painful very embarrassing as next day when I would go back to them they would tease me even more and that perpetual cycles would go on. Mama had become a kind of friend to me and he told me a very golden rule of thumb to avoid any such situation, what he advised me that next time if I had beaten up someone I should come to him and tell him all about and then hide somewhere in home and when the parents would come he would say -”He is not home but whenever he will come we will teach him a lesson!” that way I was kind of saved. This way we had developed a good friendship. That had made a special place in me for him.

We used to have some other fun as well. After all he was a youth too as well and he himself was little mischievous at that age. There used to be a gap between our home and our next door neighbor where one Sharmaji used to live. That Sharmaji’s family was a very different kind of family. We had rabbits as pet in our home and that was a female rabbit from which we had around tens of other small rabbits. They used to cause lots of nuisance as they would hop around all over and would go to Sharmaji’s garden as well. One day he hit the rabbit and that rabbit’s one leg was wounded badly and he could not move nicely after that. One of us had seen him hitting the rabbit and we came and told all about that to Mama. We had a big acrimonious verbal fight and finally we stopped talking to each other. During that time we would fill water in the empty eggshells and go near his house in the night and throw them in their backyard. Apparently they were vegetarian and they were very unhappy with eggshells scattered in their backyard everyday morning. This idea was from Mama and he had led us to that adventure! Sharmaji never dared to hit our rabbits anymore. I remember that finally those rabbits died and one final one was the one who had wounds in his leg and he could never recover from that. He was not able to hop and Mama and his very close friend Mukul would go to Regal Ground and bring grasses tied in their handkerchief for that rabbit. Finally that rabbit was very sick and could not have survived anymore. I remember one afternoon Mama took that rabbit in a cloth bag and said to everyone that he is going to set it free near the river and let it be on its own fate. Ma, Mausi, Nani and we all were like crying that day. When Mama came back we all talked for a long time where did he live that rabbit and what did it do, did it move or stayed there and likes! I am sure a dog or some other bigger animal must have killed it and ate. Since that time we never wanted to have a pet in our home.

Mama used to be very studious and in fact he was so brilliant that he had topped in the school board exam that year for grade 10. He was a role model for all of us. During his study for grade 10 exam he used to be confined in a study room and he would rarely come out of that. He would study for hours and hours. Once in a while he would come out and talk to all of us and play with us. In his leisure time he would do some nice paintings. I wonder why he could not become a good artist because I learned a lot from him. He used to mix the colours very well. I remember once he was painting a tree standing at the boundary of our school (Kadma Boys School), seating in the front of our house in Kalindi road. I was watching him very closely and what I liked the most was his mixing the colours and getting the shade and other tone and balance to bring out the prominence in the painting. I guess that was the time when I first learned that I should never paint flat colour but mix it with darker colours to make shades and bright areas. I started doing paintings the same way as he used to do and slowly I was on my way to learn more and more about painting. Till date whenever I start painting I remember Mama and the rest just flows on! I can’t claim that I am yet a perfect artist but he sowed the seed for that, for sure, fault is mine that I could not nurture it very well!

After this, Mama went to Ranchi to study in St. Xavier’s College. The day he left for Ranchi, we all became very sad. He was a great entertainer to be around for kids. We used to play with him a lot. He used to come during the summer breaks and holidays and every time he would bring some very innovative gifts for us. First time when he came back he brought sketch pens for us. We had never seen sketch pen before and we all started fighting for the same colour and he had to play a game with us to decide which one will be given to whom. Each pen had its body of the same colour as its ink but the cap was white for all. What he did was hide body of the entire pens and show only cap to us and he then asked to pick one each. I remember that I had got a brown colour sketch pen and I loved that a lot! We used to write letters to Mama and he would reply to us with lots of wits and humour. I remember that I used to hit everyone and then hide on top of a shelf. It was dangerous but I was very naughty and would do all these kind of stunts. Since Poonam was not that tall she would be waiting for me to come down to take her revenge. I would then seat there for hours! She complained in her one of the letters to Mama that “Sanjay hits me and jumps above the shelf and does not come down!” to which Mama had replied that tells Sanjay that there are many better places to seat than above the shelf! Whenever Mama would come back, he would spend time with us. Ma used to be very worried about my progress, as I would not be consistent like Manoj or Poonam who always had ranks in their classes. I used to be like hunting high and low kind of character - I could be anywhere from 2nd position to 39th position. I remember that once I scored highest in Mathematics in the class during half-yearly exam and in the annual I barely passed. She was so concerned for my future that whenever Mama would come she could not stop but asked for a favour - “Santu, tuhi ekra samjha sakai chhau. Dekhi ekra kanee!” (Santu, only you can teach him, Please see!). Mama used to teach me in a very different manner. The first thing I recall he would chose a very unconventional location for me to seat down and study. It could be terrace garden or some very unusual place. I would like that a lot as it had its own impact! Then he would not teach me in the conventional way but first he would be talking to me all about my interests and what all I do in the school and in the playground so on so forth. Once I was exhausted, he would say OK, let us study something now. He would normally teach me the subject, which Ma could not teach very well. Normally it used to be Science or Geography. First he would ask me why I did not like that subject or what I did not like and then he would start teaching. I remember once I had to study a chapter on Molecules, Atoms and likes. I did not understand what all Dalton, Clarke, Boyle and others had talked about. Nothing was penetrating in my mind and I was skipping that chapter but without understanding that first chapter I could not understand the next one very well. Beside there would be a question always from that chapter where I needed to explain what Dalton’s theory was and likes. I particularly did not like that chapter as half of the theories were proved wrong and we still were asked to understand as why they were wrong and what next scientist corrected to. My whole problem was that just understand the most correct one and forget others. Mama understood my problem and here is one genius of him to play with child’s mind which proved to me later on that what a perfect grasp of child psychology he had! He told me that Dalton was a very rich guy and he was kind of a king. He proposed his theory but there were other scientists like Avogadro and likes in his state who opposed it or proved his theory wrong. But since he was the King he still maintained that people should study his theory as well. This story was a totally fabricated one but it served its purpose. Now I could read the whole chapter with him without any problem.

As I grew up and started questioning myself about that story, I started smiling to myself, as I understood the reason for that! I have so many such memories of my childhood when Mama would teach me something in a very interesting manner. The best part was that he would share with me so many interesting facts about latest happenings in and around. He used to like cricket a lot and we would listen to the radio commentary together. We did not understand the rules very well and he used to explain to us in great details. He had lots and lots of patience. I am trying to enact similar role for Hursh and Yash but invariably I run out of patience. During this time he had developed a great interest in photography. Babujee at one point of time had bought a camera and he used to have lots of interest in photography as well. That camera was still around and Mama took over from that. He used to be very creative in photography. Angles, shades, frame of shot all were outstanding. I used to follow him like a shadow and observe very minutely what all he does. I was very inspired by his creativity. I had a desire from that time to have a camera and experiment like him, till date I am doing that. I will discuss more on this, somewhere else.

Soon Mama was in Medical College and now we used to meet very rarely. He was into music now. Before also he used to like songs a lot and would sing together with the songs broadcast on radio. We used to have a big Murphy radio in our drawing room in the house at Kalindi road and I remember that whenever any RDB music used to come he would be thrilled and beat on shelf on which radio was kept and sing together. But now he had a personal cassette player in his hostel and he would listen to Ghazals, particularly by Jagjit Singh and Ghulam Ali. Once he had come from his college during his break and I went to see him. After talking to him at Nani’s place when I was to leave he asked me to give a cassette called The Latest (that was the first release of Jagjit and Chitra) to Ma. He also mentioned that the female singer is no match to Lata, of which Ma was a great fan, but it’s different! From that time on, we all became a big fan of Ghazals and particularly Jagjit & Chitra. Back then, I could have never imagined meeting Jagjit Singh in person after almost 25 years at Toronto.

Mama was getting slowly very busy in his studies and now we would meet once in six months or so. I had once visited him at his medical college in year 1984 or so. Thereafter we could not keep so much of connection. Once in a while I would write a mail to him and he would guide me in his reply. I was particularly concerned with my knowledge in English as after studying until 10th in Hindi medium of education, I was finding it real hard to cope up with the changed environment at St. Francis de Sales’ College, Nagpur where I had been to do my +2. He would encourage me in his own way but then he was now almost not in touch with me at all. Meanwhile he got married too and I kind of lost complete connection with him. It was during 1987-88 that he had come back to Jamshedpur and had started working in Telco Hospital and later on in Blood Bank. Around 1987-88 he finally got a job with Mecon and he moved to Ranchi. Our relationship had changed considerably. He was now father of a child - Hansraj and I was also now in my youth and was doing my 2nd year of Engineering. I had not visited Ranchi for quite sometime until Poonam got married and I had been to his house around that time. Mama had become very reserved now and I was feeling very low during that time as Mama’s brother-in-law Vinit, who happened to be my childhood friend had got through in the prestigious IIT JEE exam and he was studying at Kharagpur whereas I was able to get through only in Bihar Engineering Entrance Exam and was studying at a notorious BIT Sindri (once upon a time this institute had its own glory but not anymore). It was around 1990 when Vinit and I both joined the same company and we were in the same batch of Graduate Engineer Trainee with Tata Steel. We used to meet each other very rarely now and during this time I would meet Mama also once in a while. One good thing about Mama and Mami was that whenever they would come to Jamshedpur they would make sure that they meet Ma at least once. That way our connection was still alive but not the same how it used to be before.

In year 1995, when we had to manage Manoj’s marriage at Korba, during that time we became little more close. We were coming in the same car from Korba to Champa where we had to catch the return train to Jamshedpur. During that journey Mama asked me very bluntly that had I involved him in that matter, he would have managed it even better. I felt his pain and there were many circumstances because of which whole confusion had taken place. It was almost the beginning of very bad days for our family. I had just recovered from my very serious head injury and Ma was soon diagnosed with cancer. It was during that period that Mama became very responsible and what can I say; he took care of Ma much better than what anyone of us could have. He had very high regards and closeness with Ma. He would say at times that - “Didi is like my real mother!” It was because he was quite younger to Ma and Ma had matured at a very young age. She took care of Santosh Mama in a very best way and that is why so deep affection. I remember Ma used to tell that early morning she would make Mama ready before Nanaji would go for grocery shopping (something he was obsessed with, as no matter what he would bring some vegetables every day). She used to love that, as apparently he was very cute when he was young and Ma would like it very much to see him look like a prince.

The next 6 months were the most dedicated moments by Mama to Ma. He would do night shifts in row to manage some holidays and would visit Jamshedpur every so often. He would encourage Ma to be upbeat. He gave all of us a lot of inner strength. I can’t forget the way he managed so many delicate situations in the family. He was like an angel for us. I personally would never forget the contribution made by Mama, Dilipji and Chhotee Nanee during the entire illness of Ma. They were the most helpful people who were closest to us during the worst days of our family. Mama was the most helpful of all. He was till the last moment with Ma when she finally died. During the visits to Calcutta or Bombay or even during the Chemotherapy, he would give us lots of encouragement to handle the situation. Emotion was playing more heavily on us and he would try to bring us in the real world. He was the one whom I trusted so much that I took the liberty to call him and ask for my marriage, as he knew that I was committed for a cause. He was so instrumental in getting everything managed so swiftly that I could fulfill Ma’s last desire.

After this we used to visit Ranchi very often and we started a new kind of relationship. He was same person but years of gap had made me little shy to talk to him in the same way as I used to when I was young. But it started improving slowly. It was around end of 1998 when I left India for Canada. He was there to see me off. We kept our communication alive and even till date we have phone conversation and e-mails exchanged once in a while. However, his initial influence has made me very much close to him. I can’t think what I am today without his influence. He has knowingly or unknowingly transformed me to a great degree. Now that he is a proud father of Hansraj who has done extremely well academically and otherwise, I am trying to imitate his footsteps for Hursh and Yash. Whenever I am in confusion, I take the liberty to call him and seek his guidance. I have a great desire to bring him to Toronto once, as he has expressed his desire couple of times.

Ma

It is hard to say more about Ma than the fact that my very existence is because of her. I have a strong belief that she did not give me birth once but twice. In 1995 when I was lying in the hospital unconscious after my scooter accident, it was Ma who traded off her life with mine by praying to the God. My physical existence is one part and the other aspects of my personality have a great deal of influence from Ma.

She had a very strange life. She was matured when normally girls play in the field. By the time her friends were in the college, she was already mother of four kids. It was her relentless efforts that she completed her graduation. I could imagine now that what she must have gone through, as just two kids in my home have made our lives miserable. On top of that she had responsibility of entire family. A typical day for her would start early morning 5:00 AM and she would go to sleep around late evening. She had to cook food for everyone in home. We used to live in a joint family with Nanaji. The workload for Ma was tremendous. She managed successfully without any complaints.

But in spite of all these what was creditable to her was that she would squeeze time for all of us. Though our youngest brother died at the age of six months only, she had more than what she could chew in her plate! I in particular was a severe headache for Ma. I would play some tricks or tantrums everyday with Ma. I would never follow her instructions in the normal way. She had half of her energy spent on me. She had a favourite sentence for me -”E Sanjaiya bhuka ka rekh delak” (Sanjay has tortured me to no end!). In retrospect what I see that she was very patient in shaping me up. She would spend hours to teach me. I would not be able to focus on anything at all, as I was more interested in other aspects of life than just study. I remember, I would say to Ma that if I could play in garden for sometime and come back for study later. She would accommodate all my needs and never loose the focus that I had to complete my syllabus. She had maximum problems and anxiety for me.

I was one of those kids who did not want to study only. I had deep interest in many other activities. I would rather spend hours in the garden playing in the soil and making islands and decorating it. I would then bring water from home and pour it so that it becomes real island. In the process the rooms will be full of dirt and water spilled over. Ma would become very upset and she would invariably ask me to stop. But this went on for years. When I grew up, she would still try to teach me until I was in grade 8 or so. After that she gave up and I was out of cocoon!

Ma had the greatest desire to see her kids doing the best in academics. She herself was a brilliant student until she was married when she was in grade 7. Perhaps she wanted to fulfill her desires through us. I am sure that she must have had a tough time to spend her next many years after her marriage living with unfulfilled desires of not completing her studies. She had such strong nerves that she continued her study despite of all odds. She would tell me that in the night when we all were sleeping, she would start her study. I must say that she had the greatest desire to complete her study else why someone would be fighting against all odds and yet not give up? She eventually completed her graduation and then she gave a full stop to her studies. We were grown up by that time and she had only single aim of seeing us doing excellent in our academics. Poonam and Manoj did not let her down as they always stood first in the class but I was the cause for her worries. I was very inconsistent, unpredictable and not serious at all about my studies. I had my best rank of 2nd in the class when I was in grade 4 and then somewhere in grade 9 I was 3rd in the class. In between I would get any rank and when I was in grade 8, I failed in Geography during the half-yearly exam. That was a great shock for her as no one ever had failed in any subject in our home. I came home and I was casual and she started crying. With tears in her eyes, she almost broke down while explaining to me how broken she was feeling about my result.

That incident had changed me completely. I promised her that I will score triple of what I had got in Geography and in my final examination I had 88 out of 100. I was also determined to not her let down ever. I started studying very seriously now and then on I never looked back. She would always encourage me to do even better but all I wanted to do was achieve what she had desired. In year 1985 or so, she started studying again. She wanted to complete her B.Ed. She was so good in her studies that she eventually topped in Ranchi University in her batch. It was a moment of pride for her. She had proved once again that what determination she had and given the right environment what she would have become.

She was very concerned for our future and as a result when I finished my 10th, she was very quick to send me out of Jamshedpur, as colleges in Jamshedpur were not very great. Beside the session would invariably be delayed in Bihar. Manoj was sent to Chandigarh and I was sent to Nagpur. Around this time Nanaji retired from services of Tata Steel and he offered his service to Ma. There was a provision during that time that an employee after working for 25 years or more with Tata Steel could get his kin in the job. Since there was no one else to grab this opportunity, Ma came forward. The very idea of Ma working outside had made her nervous. She was very low in her confidence for some reason. She would always consider her incapable of doing things outside home. I remember I had gone to the Personnel Department in Tata Steel with her. We had taken the rickshaw and we both were talking all through until we reached there. There was some formalities completed at Employment Bureau and that was it. She was called within few months as temporary employee now and she was working.

In year 1985, I had decided to come back to Jamshedpur for good from SFS College, Nagpur. I had completed my 12th and was not keen on enrolling to the B. Sc at SFS college; rather I was determined to get through in Engineering entrance examination. I had a peculiar problem as I had studied in Maharastra and their syllabus was very limited and not as appropriate for engineering entrance exam as was in Bihar. As a result all my friends back in Jamshedpur were better off when I compared with myself. It was an uphill task for me to cope up with the extra pressure and then exceed them to conquer the competition. I used to study very hard and Ma was hoping that her dreams would finally take the shape in reality. Manoj had decided to not go for Engineering and Poonam was already married. Ma all of sudden was very depressed that she could not get the desired results from us in academics. Manoj was very uncertain and would not say clearly what he wanted to achieve in his life. Ma on other hand wanted to see both of us going in a very conventional stream of academics like Medicine or Engineering. Manoj was more into research oriented studies. I had realized that what Ma was going through. She would be so excited to share with me that how someone’s son or daughter has got through in a competitive exam for Engineering or Medicine and so on so forth. I had put all my efforts to make her dreams come true. I used to study for hours and hours but it was not enough, as I had to catch up a lot. I had a great desire to get through in IIT JEE (Joint Entrance Exam), but I knew that I had made some strategically errors in the beginning. At the end when results started pouring in, IIT JEE was first to come out; it had disappointed us a lot. Babujee was also very upset during this period, as he was also not seeing things moving in a way he would have expected. I used to have some kind of altercation with him at times as he would pass some very critical remarks and that would make me upset. Like whenever I used to watch TV for any sports, he would ask me to study and that age was such that I would take it in a different way and so the outburst.

With nothing going in my way I had last hope of Bihar Engineering Examination’s result. I was so disappointed that I would only now pray to God for some miracle. It was not that I had not put my good efforts but for competitive examination one has to study strategically and in a balanced way. Unfortunately there was no one to guide me or put me on the right track. Vinit used to be my very close friend but again he was mostly confined in his own world and very rarely would share with me as what strategy he was taking. At the end it was evident and he got through in all the major examinations and he had already taken admission at IIT Kharagpur.

Ma used to be very depressed but she would not say anything to me. She used to leave for her office early morning and in the evening she would come back and ask me about result. Since there was only one result expected now, she was hoping that at least I get through in it. Irony was that no one knew when the result for Bihar Engineering Entrance Exam would be out. It was a normal day and I was relaxing in my room in the afternoon. Raju, my very close friend who was preparing for the examination with me, came to see me. He had heard that the result might come out in a newspaper that day. Since newspaper first used to come at Sakchi Bus stand, we went there. We did not find any newspaper there but there was a rumor that result has come out and a newsstand near Basant Talkies had the newspaper, which had published result. We rushed to that place. I bought one newspaper and we settled down. We spread the newspaper on a table, which in the evening would be used for food stalls (Lucky egg rolls). Raju was very practical in his approach and he said that he would like to see the result from bottom, as he had not hoped for a good rank at all. Sure enough, he found very quickly! He was through! I had completed by now only top 200 ranks only and I got confused so I started looking from bottom too. In the total chaotic situation my first eye scan had not found my roll number. I was very disappointed. Raju could not believe it and he said that if he was through, there was no way that I could not. He insisted and asked me to go through very slowly. I started afresh and from top I started scanning again. First paragraph was over (each paragraph had 100 roll numbers) and second was also getting over and suddenly I see my roll number. It was in third paragraph. I had secured 302nd rank. I was overjoyed. It was a real tribute to Ma. I had no other desire but to see Ma getting a return for her constant efforts, hopes and prayers. I was not very excited about this result anyway because I had desired to study at one of the IITs and this result was just like a consolation prize. I came home and told the news to Poonam first. She was overjoyed. We were waiting for Ma and Babujee to come from office. It was around 4:30 PM and we heard the sound of scooter. We both rushed to open the main door. Poonam was ahead and I was walking slowly. Ma was little surprised to see both of us coming to her. She had sensed something but was in confused state. Poonam broke the news. Ma was not able to stand properly. She was in a different state. She hugged me and had her tears rolling down her cheek. I could have never imagined that how happy she would be to hear this news. My entire effort had paid its dividend just by seeing Ma so happy. Ma had become very happy now. My success had made her happier than me.

She was now hoping to see Poonam married soon in a nice family and Manoj was a real question mark. But going by his track record, Ma was relaxed that he would do something good. He was extremely good in studies. I was the main worry for Ma. She would say that when I was young she would worry the most about my future and I was the first to have found my career path. It was an unbelievable turn around in my career. If it was not Ma’s desire to see us doing something good in our lives and sharing her that desire with us every so often, at least I would have not been that inspired. I attribute my efforts and constant hard work to her for she was so eager to see that I achieve what she always wanted to see. Poonam got married in year 1988. I was very active in getting Nanaji from Hariharpur for final round of talks and later on arranging everything for her marriage day. She finally got married on July 1, 1988, same day as Ma and Babujee’s wedding anniversary.

Around this time I had my vocational training lined up at Tata Steel. I would visit Ma once in a while at her office. She was working at Employment Bureau. Since I was young and used to put safety helmet many of her colleagues used to think that I was one of the Graduate Engineer Trainee and later on when they would come to know that I was her son and studying in 2nd year only, they would say that he looked just like one of those trainees. Ma had started dreaming that if I could be one of those much esteemed trainees. It was year 1990. I was in my final year. The campus interview took place for Tata Steel at our institute. I was selected in that. It was tough to get through by all means. We were two batches together and there must have been 400+ candidates and finally they selected only 12 from there. At Jamshedpur, where final round of interview took place with Russi Modi, CMD of Tata steel only 8 were selected eventually. I remember we all were seating in the SNTI auditorium and Harsh Jha, DM of Training Institute announced names of candidates who were not selected. My name was not in that and that was it. It was one of the most memorable occasions of my life. When I came home and told Ma about my success, she could not believe it. It was yet another milestone for our family. Everything was going in our way. Ma was now very relaxed as her daughter was married to a doctor and I had settled down in the best possible way (back then GT in Tata Steel was the best start in India). But she would be now concerned for Manoj.

Around this time things started going for worse. Manoj had never disclosed about his private life and he was trying for something not normal. He had lost his track. Ma would now be very concerned as he had started taking clerical exams for Bank and also applied in KMPM Inter college for teacher’s position. For a while Ma was very disappointed to see Manoj going that low in his morale. We had no clue as what he wanted to achieve in his life. He would say that he wanted to do research and would become a scientist. In fact he had started doing his Ph.D. as well. Ma was insisting that he should go for Indian Administrative Services (IAS). Manoj was always brilliant in studies and he cracked in the IAS exam in his first attempt. But he could not go through far. Next two attempts he took and he was so close so far. He had given his 100% and it was only his destiny that he could not get though finally. He eventually got a job as PO with State Bank of India. That was not what many would have expected from Manoj given his track record, but then he himself was to be blamed partially. He never defined his goal very clearly ever. But Ma was very satisfied by seeing all of us settled. She had finally got the rewards for her persistent efforts.

Everything looked very happy until this time and then things started to turn ugly. Manoj revealed about his private life and that broke Ma and Babujee completely down. They could not accept that. Ma was in complete shock. She never remained the same after that. All her happiness had disappeared now. She could not have ever expected that from Manoj. She had become very close to me now, since I used to live with her. She would share with me her all inner feelings. Less I say now is the better. She was completely shattered. I used to try to rebuild her morale but she was caught in the middle. On one side she had desire to stand up in our community since she had the ideal family now with all settled and suddenly it had taken a roller coaster low to face the adversity of the society where she felt that there was no acceptance for inter-caste marriages.

Call it her ignorance or less exposure she never felt confident as how this marriage would eventually be taken by the society. I tried to convince her several times that no one gives any damn to other’s family affairs, but she would not agree. It was beginning of year 1995; I met with a very serious accident. She had become mad. For her everything was kind of getting lost. I was not expected to be 100% fit after sustaining sever head injury but it was her prayer that I fully recovered. I was seating home mostly now and was preparing for a socializing part of Manoj’s marriage. With so much of fears and cautious approach, Ma had completely lost her enthusiasm. I could not believe that it was the same person who two years back would be so upbeat about her family and her status in the so called society and in two years time everything was going against her. So much so that at one point she had told me that she has no desire to live now! I hardly knew that this would become a reality in matter of few months! I had lot to return to Ma, I owed my entire life to her. It was so sad to see that she was degenerating day by day as she was suffering terminal disease. I could not recover from so many blow all of sudden. It was so devastating that after a point I just let my life take over the command. Nothing seemed to be in my control. I had given up! I had lost faith in God, close relationships and in general I had become very lonely. I did know how the rest of my life would be once Ma was gone. Till date, believe it or not nothing makes me happy to the fullest. Whenever I am very happy a face surfaces from somewhere in my mind and I start questioning God that why did he do this injustice to her? Ma gave me more affection than any one else in my family. I used to get maximum firing and spanks (sometimes more than those also like slaps etc.) from her but at the same time she would come and regret to me in the night and kiss me and hug me. She would become very apologetic! But I used to enjoy that, first get spanks and then she would be down and I would rule! She had a special kind of attraction for me. She was so concerned for me that I would always get special attention from her. It went on until the end of her life, which was very short anyway! She would hug me and kiss me even when I was working with Tata Steel and was fully grown up!

She used to love us so much that for her we remained like small babies! She had a great desire to live her old age surrounded with all kind of kids, but that was not to be, unfortunately. I learnt dreaming for future from her. She would express her dreams in so much of details that I used to think a way to make it a reality. She was very much into life, she would love nature, travel, good food, meeting people, music, art and virtually all the finer points of life. I have inherited a lot from her. Her great affection and concern for me had melted me to the extreme and I was so determined to achieve whatever she would say and that kept me going. Till date I feel that if she is watching me from somewhere, she should be proud of whatever I do.

Nanajee

My Nanajee was a very simple living but a greatly disciplined person. He knew to live by his set principles. Right or wrong, but he always followed his set of rules. He had set his goals early in his life and he went to any extent to achieve them. He was a very strict person to follow his lifestyle and would never accommodate any deviation on a normal day. Yet he was so flexible that if situation demanded he would forget everything and mould himself to a given situation. Call it Situational Management that is taught in Management Curriculum or whatever; he was naturally very good at that. He was blessed great imaginary power, would plan about simple things in sequential manner ahead of times. He was great narrator of any incident, was a very good person to be around, who would always start a topic of group’s interest. He was a great reader, would read the entire newspaper from one end to another in one seating and was well informed. He would hear news from All India Radio twice a day, morning at 8:00 AM and in the late evening at 8:45 PM, everyday - come what comes!

I can go on but there were so many good traits in that person that I am sure not all of them he was blessed with but he must have developed in him over the period of time. And given the family background he came from it was even more difficult to achieve. He had a very modest beginning of his livelihood and when he ended his journey of life, he might have been one of the most satisfied people. He had brought his family from a level, which one might not even imagine to a level where every individual in his family tree could prosper to further heights and achieve whatever one could desire. He had inspired and influenced many in the process. When he was young he had a very big joint family in Hariharpur, a village near Darbhanga. The family had people of diverse interests and at one point the family had a scholar in previous generation that was an acclaimed astrologer invited many times by the King of Darbhanga Raj. As was usual in those days, he was rewarded by huge piece of land and other benefits. The next few generations must have enjoyed the earnings made by him. But that could not have lasted forever as share for the same resources must have started becoming lesser and lesser. However, the mentality of family members of Nanji’s generation remained very feudalistic, and they knew the reality before them but their attitude and behaviour hardly accepted that. As a result most of them were busy in something which would not have benefited the family a lot with what was the need of the hour. The eldest of Nanaji’s brothers had been to Kashi and was a scholar in astrology and we used to call him Jyotishi Baba. There were few that were mostly in wrestling like Kamalakar Baba and Bahadur Baba. My Nanaji was though eldest to his parents but in his generation was much younger to the others. When he was growing up, he could never get any special attention as he was more practical and had realized that he needed to go out of the village for service and for that he had to study, something which no one in family would have recommended back in those days.

My Nanaji used to tell us that he would go miles and miles to the school for study, as there was no school nearby. He was so determined to study that when in the morning he would start for school he never got any food, as in the joint family the food was cooked together and that was served late. So, he would leave for the school and walk miles on foot crossing many fields. He would feed himself by plucking some fruits from trees or with grams (he would call that as bootjhangri) from the fields on his way to school. By the time he was in his grade 8 or so, he was married. My Nani would tell us about her marriage. Two lines about her marriage would sum up a lot as what kind of marriage they had. She used to tell me, ” I was playing in my courtyard and suddenly my elder brother wrapped sari around me and said that today you are getting married, I did not even know hat marriage is all about” and then she continued to say that she did not know much anyway as “by the time marriage process started I was sleeping and ladies of family managed the rest for me.” I would laugh to no end whenever Nani would tell me her stories of childhood. She had survived the great earthquake of Bihar way back in . She used to tell us that she had almost died. She was playing on the terrace and when her aunts were shouting for her they did not see her and they thought she must have died, but she was so panicked that she was holding a pillar very tightly and may be had concussion therefore could not reply. She was very unfortunate, as her parents had died when she was very young. She would tell a great deal about her Mausi, who apparently was very beautiful, and she took care of her very much. Nani herself was very good-looking and very affectionate. I have played a lot with her and even sometimes now I start remembering her. But when Nani came to Hariharpur, she did not have any time for herself. She being the youngest in the family was kind of exploited. She would tell with so much of frustration, even after many years, that how she would not be able to give anything from kitchen to Nanaji when he used to leave for school. Whereas on the other hand, Nanaji’s elder brothers Kamalakar and Bahadur would get peesta and Baadam with large glass of milk, since they were into wrestling and bodybuilding. Nani would never be in peace when she would recall about her first daughter Indira. She would tell that she was completely neglected and died because of malnutrition. Even when she was sick, Nani could not even take care of her properly, as she had no time. The only fault of that poor child was that she was a girl child and no one would give any importance to girl child back in those days, it was the destiny of the girl children, if they survived else no special efforts from elders in family!

Perhaps Nanaji had enough and he must have dreamed back that time to have a different kind of world for his coming generation who would not have to face all these problems. He must have resolved in his mind that. He left village after completing his 10th. He came to Jamshedpur and got a junior position in Accounts department of Tata Steel. By that time Nanaji’s cousin Kamalakar Baba had moved to Jamshedpur and he used to live with him. Kamalakar Nana had a dubious history as it was told that he had usurped property of a businessman in Jugsalai and had become a kind of strongman in that area. He had managed a job in Tata Steel and was in workers’ union. He was infamous for slapping Russi Modi with his shoes, when Modi was a young Personnel Officer during his early days and Kamalakar Nana was a strong union leader. Modi eventually became CMD of Tata Steel and he had made sure that Kamalakar Mishra would be in a limit only as he had never forgotten his public insult. Nanaji’s family has a strong physique; all of his cousins and brothers were mostly six feet tall and massively built. Amongst them all Kamalakar Nana had the best physique, he stood about six feet and 4 inches and was very strongly built. A huge personality with his long sharp mustache, he indeed was a fearsome personality. One could make him out in crowd, I had seen him many times and I used to run away if he wanted to lift me up and kiss. Ma used to tell me about some other brothers of Nanaji whom I had not seen; they were also massively built. Nanaji could figure out fairly quickly that if he had continued living with Kamalakar Nana for long, his family would be completely destroyed. Perhaps that one move made a huge difference! Beside, Nanaji’s step mother had third son Bilat Nana born in the village. Bilat Nana had a tragic story, when he was born, soon after his elder two brothers were drowned in the pond and Nanaji’s father too died. Bilat Nana’s mother then went back with him to her village and she also died soon. Everyone was kind of pissed off with Bilat Nana as they felt that he was a bad omen for the family and that is why his name Bilat (literally means one who spoils everything). My Nanaji and Nani were both very big-hearted persons and they adopted the youngest brother as his son and brought him to Jamshedpur. He was only few months old that time. Ma was born after few years. Bilat Nana and Ma were almost contemporary. Ma used to tell me that Nanaji and Nani would have more affection for Bilat Nana than their own children. Nanaji was working very hard and invariably would come late as he used to get overtime hours. Bilat Nana was a spoiled brat and soon he had all the ills as Nanaji would be busy in his office whole day and Nani would be home. The locality where they used to live (N1 type quarters) was mainly for low income group employees and as a result the general crowd was a very different lot. More on Bilat Nana’s story somewhere else. Ma had shared with me so many interesting stories about his childhood with me!

Nanaji was so determined to keep his family isolated from all the ills that he had no friends and no relatives. Anyone who had dubious personality was not welcome in home at all! He was very strict and stern on this fact. He would not even mind telling people up front that “please don’t visit me at my home.” Call it madness or eccentricity but he remained that way all through his life, he was very selective on choosing people whom he would interact. If person were of any dubious nature, he would reject him out-rightly without any further rethink. I remember one very interesting story, which had happened before me. Once I was going with him for grocery and one Jagannath Choudhary was coming from the other side, who was not at all in his approved list of people whom he would interact. Nanaji’s zipper for trouser was unzipped and as he came close by, he said “Mishraji, Namaskar!” “Namaskar!”

Nanaji replied without even bothering to see him.

“Ek minute, ek ta baat sun liyau, Misharjee..”(Just a minute, Just hear one line ..Mishraji), Jagannath Chaudhary said.

“Hamra faltu lok sa baat karau ke lel time nahi oichh, chalo hou baua..”(I don’t have time to talk to worthless fellows, carry on my boy..), Nanaji replied and did not even stop.

“Misharji, suniyau na yau…”(Mishraji, please listen to me…), He almost pleaded. But Nanaji continued. Then he almost yelled,

“Achha gapp nahi karab ta kono baat nahi, lekin Paintak chain ta kani band kau liyau yau, Misharji….” (OK, no problem if you won’t talk to me but please zip up your paint, Mishraji…)

“E ***, adhkapar oich…” (this *** is half mind…), Nanaji was whispering. I was laughing my heart out while recalling this incident! I do not want to explain what *** means as whoever knows Nanaji, must know his very commonly used slang!

Jagannath Choudhary was a very special character though. Either he was very straightforward guy who would not edit or filter his thoughts before it comes out of mouth in the shape of words or he was a real dumb. One incident would say a lot about him. There was a boy about 12 years old who was in hospital admitted because he was critically ill. All his relatives were called to Jamshedpur as it could have gone either way. It is the evening time in the hospital during visiting hours, all the people from villages have come there and they are really tense as no one wanted a death of a boy so early in his life. Amidst the tension and frustration, enters Jagannath Chaudhary. He was so overwhelmed to see all his old pals and relatives from the village that he was genuinely happy (?????) and he perhaps forgot (??) that he had come to a sad occasion and spoke his feelings- “Aho bhagya, dhanya e bacchha, na e beemar paudait aa apnek darshan hoet..!”(Oh my God! What a great child is this, if he had not fallen sick, I would not have been able to see you..!). I need not tell what was the reaction of people out there. My Nanajee would not entertain these kinds of people. Even if he dared visiting him at his home sometime, he would ask for the purpose of has visit in very blunt manner and say goodbye! For him it was a sheer wastage of time to talk to people like him. He was extremely selective on this issue.

He was very sincere and hard working employee in the office. In his total job history of 42 years, he got seven promotions and when he retired he was Senior Accountant, something equivalent to an officer. It was definitely a creditable performance. The best part was that he loved his job very much and he had god rapport with everyone in office. We call it professionalism, but that was his natural style. As he started progressing in his job, so did his living environment. He had shifted to slightly better locality. Ma was doing very well in studies but Bilat Nana was kind of spoiled and would remain in touch with all the bad guys. He started playing with people on streets and was very smart in dodging Nani as she did not have much exposure to the outside the home. His academic results started declining despite the fact that Nanaji provided him the best possible facilities within his means. But the problem lied somewhere else, as he was not studying at all and instead he had friendship with all the bad boys. When Nanaji came to know about the wrongdoings of Bilat Nana, he simply dumped him back to Hariharpur. He was very strict in his decision making.

It was around year 1964, Ma was married and Babujee also came to Jamshedpur as Nanajee had helped him getting a job with Tata Steel. Babujee had completed his degree in Bachelor of Science from Calcutta university and was studying for Master’s degree but he quit that and started the job and came to live with Nanaji. Soon we were also born and things started moving pretty fast for Nanaji’s family. Bilat Nana had a miraculous recovery back in Hariharpur. He had become very sincere and very studious. He eventually got selected at Tata Steel as Trade Apprentice (a training program run by Tata Steel to develop the core skilled personnel for its iron and steel production departments by training them from raw level). But soon he got selected in Bihar Police as Police Inspector and he joined that. He was so obliged to Nanaji that he would make sure that whatever way he could help him, he would come and help him. Around 1971 or so Nanaji got Ashok Mama enrolled in MGM Medical College. Though to get him enrolled there, he had to pay a huge sum as donation money. But he was a kind of visionary and he would not compromise on anything, which would help to rebuild someone’s career. Things went very fast after that and we started growing up in Nanaji’s place.

I remember that everyday when he would come back from office, he would call all three of us and put us on the lap and hug and embrace. He would bring sweet on every salary day, something Ma used to tell me that he had been doing from her childhood days. He never broke that tradition. He was obsessed with eating good food and so would spend good amount on getting the best quality of grocery and vegetables. He had chosen me as his associate in bringing vegetables and grocery as I was a bit well built, when young. My reward used to be Rasgollas at Mathura Mistanna Bhandar, a restaurant in the market, whose owner was a friend of Nanaji. When Nanaji had come to Jamshedpur, it used to be a fairly small town and people knew each other. All those business people grew up later and became bigger in dimension but their owners were close friends of Nanaji. He knew almost all the big guys of Jamshedpur, be it jeweler shop or restaurant or cloth stores. Sometime the owners would respect him a lot as his father would be his friend. Eventually his entire family was saved from all the bad connections and they all achieved more than what a simple person had dreamed years ago at Hariharpur. He remained a simple guy but family had undergone many changes. Ma was a constant shadow personality in their struggle but one bias of Nanaji had disturbed Ma to a great extent. When Ashok Mama was married and his wife was to come to Jamshedpur, Nanaji asked bluntly Babujee to leave his home. That was something Ma and Babujee had to realize by themselves before they had to open their mouth, which was something Ma would always regret. I remember that terrible day when we were leaving L5/47, Kalindi Road to A/87 Kadma Workers’ Flat. Ma and Babujee were a little insensitive on these matters and they could not think ahead of times. I remember that we had hired hand rickshaws to move furniture and other personal stuff from Nanaji’s place. I remember pushing the rickshaw from behind together with Santosh Mama and his best friend Mukul Mama. Finally one 3-wheeler auto-rickshaw was called and Ma, Poonam and I sat in that with Santosh Mama. Ma was crying like a baby. She had never separated from Nani all these years. We had a big kirtan at the new home and we had a totally new environment in the flat. That was year 1977.

What all did I have from my Nanaji? I must say that his impact is very deep rooted in me. There are certain things, which people say, are in one’s blood or runs in family. I feel that now when I realize the same because when I question some of my interests where they came from in me or how did I develop them, I must say I look back to Nanaji then! He must have inspired me to a great extent when I was young and perhaps it just happened so quietly that I could not acknowledge that fact for a long time. I have a great respect for him but at times I was caught in the middle of my family politics and I could not decide who is right and who is wrong. Also, towards the end Nanaji, given his nature, had drawn a strict boundary of who is his own and who are outside that line kind of thing and he unfortunately had kept our family outside that. Not to say that he did not love us anymore that would be too harsh a statement, he indeed loved all of us unconditionally, but his inclination and dearness was more tilted towards his elder son and his second son-in-law. Well, no one is perfect in this world but he had lived a larger than life stature. He was a little arrogant too and would not mind bragging his achievements. He would at the same time would say up-front that what his judgement were about some people whom he did not like for some reasons and he would not care if he happened to be some one as close as my father or my uncle or likes! Call it too straightforwardness or rudeness, he did not mind speaking his mind straight out and at times it left too many scars in one’s mind! I was at times very depressed with his harsh remarks and would feel very subdued. He had become very critical to my father towards the end and he would not mind criticizing them in the cruelest manner! I remember at one point I could not take it any more and I had told him and Nani once that kind of age they were in and also considering their contribution to all of us, I would have expected good feedback from them on something and not something which would spoil the spirit of someone. They did not like it and must have felt that I have also been victim of some kind of politics by his opponents on my father’s side (he considered my uncle and mentor for my father Teju Babu, as he would call him) and had become disillusioned! I met him three or four times only after that and he did not remain very close to me like before and perhaps we had been on wrong ends may be.

I used to call him once in a while and till date I regret that towards his end, I wanted to call him on Deewali and when I called it was too late. He had died and no one bothered to inform me even! But that is what I could have expected. When I called Ashok Mama’s place, Atul picked the phone and he was answering me, when I asked about his death and how it happened, he said -” Actually, I also do not know much!”. Astonishingly enough he wanted to discuss with me more about how to come to US for higher studies and likes.

I was shocked! It was a shame that a family, which he had built, had everything from outside but was a very hollow structure from inside. His whole lifetime’s efforts produced an outstanding family but unfortunately the very stand he took to turn away from his close relatives or friends whom he did not feel of any worth or of any good to him, though he had to do that with a purpose, that seed had spread all over in the family and the final effect of that has started surfacing now in the form of many bushy relationships and thrones among the family members. Each individual family is perfect and enjoying individually but do we all feel like a family as a whole? A big question, answer to which we all have in our hearts but no one would like to bring that to lips and spell out! But nevertheless he had a more than complete life. I remember what I was taught during my MBA course in the Organizational Behaviour, something about Maslow’s hierarchy of needs>. Perhaps we all are struggling at the Esteem level. When Nanaji started, it was the bottom level and as the family progressed, it became difficult to go beyond.

Babujee

I have a very strange relationship with Babujee. My relationship with him has been very special. It has gone many different phases but perhaps I am the only one whom he speaks his mind with and we have developed a very strong bond over the years. The first thing I heard from Ma about Babujee saying for me was that when he came to see me in the hospital next day morning (I was born at 1:30 AM), he hugged me and said to Ma that “this is my boy!” He said that because Manoj who is 1 year and 2 months elder to me was so dear to Nana, Nani and other family members in the family that Babujee had hardly anytime for him. But now that one extra piece had arrived, he could feel that he had also one now! Whatever may have the intention, I felt from early childhood that he had little soft corner for me.

May be another reason for giving more attention to me than others, could have been for the reasons that I was a very stubborn and inconsistent and he wanted to motivate me and that is why little extra encouragement. No do not get mistaken that he had pampered me, in fact he so many times that neither I beat me, or he might recall now. I would not tolerate his control and invariably would rebel and question his authority, when I was young. In short, I was a very strange kind of child, do not know why I was so. If I wanted to get something I must get or else I could go to any extent. Whether public place or home, whatever occasions, I had the same reaction to denial of my demand. I would cry, shout and finally lie down on the street, floor or whatever to make my demand heard. In most of the cases my demand would never be met and rather I would receive slaps and that would be the end. Whenever we would go for Ganesh Mela, Ma would almost beg to me before leaving home that I should behave. But the end of our trip to the Mela would be same every year. Ma together with all other kids would return home and I and Babujee had another show going on there and then I would be beaten and dragged from there to home. I would come home crying and when we would reach home, everyone would be little dejected and mood of the house would be little awkward. My demand used to be something very different and obviously expensive and that is why would never get those bought for me!

But in spite of all these dramas, I remember when I stood second in my class in the annual examination (may be it was grade 4), he went out of way to purchase whatever I demanded. Cricket set, badminton set, carom board and many other items which were bought for one simple reason that I had secured 2nd position, it was immaterial fact that Manoj and Poonam had secured 1st position because that was the least expected from them. But next year I had secured 19th position in the class and perhaps negative re-enforcement technique worked better on me than the positive ones and so the spanking, slapping and scolding went on for me and rightfully so!

Babujee has inspired me with his simplicity. No one can deny that whatever deficiencies his personality has, he is a very simple living person with no special demand. He has molded his life in such a way that he could accommodate to any given situation. He lacks communication skill a lot. And worse even is that he intends to say something and the word selection or his presentation conveys totally different fact at times. He is one of those people whom you have to live and understand and then realize that the first impression what one gets for him does not truly convey the same. I admit that as I was growing up, I used to feel very indifferent and at times repulsive for him and later on realized that he is not a bad person but his personality is of a very different kind, which appears to be very harsh, unfriendly or of a person who is not enjoying the things which normally one does like music, movies, sports etc. Unlike my many other relatives or friends, it took me many years to discover how affectionate, caring, humble and interesting person my father is. It took me almost 25 years that I could share a joke or laugh with Babujee. It is so sad that Ma is not around anymore else she would have got a big surprise to see a very different person in him now. He has transformed a lot now. He has become much more spiritual, lonely, neglected (as no one lives with him anymore) and practical. Ever since Ma left for heavenly abode, he has become a very different person. He has seen more than a life in his lifetime.

Babujee is 3rd son and 4th child of nine children Dadajee had. He was very spiritual and hard working from his childhood days. I am told that Dadaji was a very interesting character as he used to enjoy good music, food, and company of people and had little time to look after the family. He was very spiritual though and Babujee tells me that he would spend hours and hours in worshipping Hanumanji. But he never paid any attention to his family and particularly education part of the next generation. Babujee along with other brothers would spend hours and hours in the paddy field or activities related to the day to day life. He could not come out of that loop but was always interested in completing his education in time. The eldest of brothers, Daak Babu (being post master of Koriahi village, he was called by that name) had rebelled against Dadaji in his early days and he separated from him. The other 5 brothers were now united but kind of direction-less. Dadaji would have no time to worry about household problems. All he wanted was good food (he was very fond of cooking and invariably would cook the food again himself as he would never be satisfied with whatever others had cooked for him), good gathering (satsang) and his enjoyment. I am told that he had a record player with nearly 100 records (made of lac), Tabla, Harmonium and a bicycle for his personal use. That speaks a good amount of genius of that person but I still fail to understand as why he never thought of catching up with the time and sent his children for education. Meanwhile Dadaji died when he was around sixty six years old. After his demise the family had become very disarrayed and